You know that horrible relationship that, for some reason, never ends? The ones that break up and get back together every other week, fight every day, but for some reason, always end up back together?
Yepp, we’ve all been there. And still it seems that when we witness these awful relationships we can point out their mistakes just like that, yet when it comes to our own relationships, were blind.
In hopes of ending these blind spells of misjudgment, I have compiled a list of things that you should look for, appreciate and be aware of while in a relationship.
**WARNING: I by no means deem myself a relationship expert. I have had very few worthwhile relationships, and of those, all have been dysfunctional. But none the less, we all believe we give the best advice, so here is some of mine.
1. SWEAT the small stuff.
I know, I know, the real saying is “Don’t sweat the small stuff” but when it comes to relationships, I believe this saying to be a piece of bad advice. The small things (actions, events, gestures) in a relationship are generally the things that mean the most.
Anyone can make a reservation at a fancy restaurant and buy a bouquet of roses, but sometimes an expensive night out just can’t compare to a cheap spaghetti dinner you cooked at home. Those small, unplanned moments are just so much more fun!
That night you two spend in the rain together after he got a flat tire.. Or the time you both stayed up all night just laying next to each other in the dark sharing embarrassing stories.. The time he introduced you to his family and unexpectedly held your hand because he could tell you were nervous.. Those unplanned moments are just so much more meaningful.
Okay I know our lives aren’t like The Notebook, but in real life, a little work goes a long way.
2. Trust your intuition.
Lets face it, you know the kind of person you’re dating. You know what kind of guy he is. And according to Justin Long, we are the rule, not the exception.
Now ladies, there is a line to be drawn here. You need to find a happy medium between stage-5 clinger and completely uninterested.
I am not saying make a mountain out of a mole hill every time your guy goes out alone, but I am saying that you should be cautious of your man’s questionable actions. Don’t let anyone make you be their back-burner chick.
3. Don’t be a helicopter.
Helicopters hovering, good. Girlfriends hovering, bad.
Don’t suffocate your guy. Let him have guys night, go to the gym alone, do whatever he needs to do to get some solo time in.
When you worry about your man’s every move (what he’s doing, where he’s going, who he’s with, why he’s not responding to your texts) he will feel smothered and will later resent you for being ‘too clingly’. When you give your guy freedom, he ends up respecting you more.
4. Cut the cord.
Although the two of you are in a relationship, that doesn’t mean you can’t still lead separate lives. Your man doesn’t need to go get mani pedi’s with you, and you don’t need to need to be at poker night with him.
SPACE IS GOOD!
In a healthy relationship, you want to be with each other every second of every day, but you don’t need to be. Distance truly does make the heart grow fonder, but you have to be apart for more than five minutes to realize it.
5. Keep your friends.
God forbid you and your “Prince Charming” break up in three months. Do you really think the girlfriends you abandoned those three months ago are going to be waiting home alone for your return?
Keep those people in your life that were around before Mr. Right showed up. Keep your wine night Wednesdays and other traditions with your old friends. Try incorporating your guy into the group so everyone can feel included.
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Do you have any relationship advice for those in dysfunctional relationships? Share them below!
Kirsten Hamilton 